Sometimes you just need a good cry and some Princess Bride.
It has been a stressful week.
Eh, stressful might be downplaying it. We have been going 90 to nothing for longer than I can remember. All week I have been counting down till Friday, but not for the reasons you might think. Today, Friday, July 15th, 2016 was supposed to be known as the Day of Rage. The Black Lives Matter movement and the hacker group Anonymous joined forces and called for peaceful protests beginning at various times, across the country. With a title like the Day of Rage, I can only imagine how long the peace would have lasted.
Little Rock's protest was supposed to start at 6:00pm on the Capital steps.
This morning, one of Nick's fellow officers awoke to the numbers 187 spray painted onto his lawn. 187 is the penal code for murder in California. He took it in stride, and covered it with a blue line flag, but it's been on my mind all day. Threats against any officer draws your attention, tugs at your heart strings, brings tears to your eyes. When one of us hurts, we all hurt. We are like one pulse, we feel everything in our veins, strangers or both. But when one of our inner circle has been threatened, it brings a flood of emotions. Yes, I suppose Rage may be a good word for it. Yet, we proceed, ever more cautious, but with hearts wide open, hoping for the smallest bit of change.
We were notified on Wednesday of the impending protests, and that the Guard was being mobilized. I was instructed by a dear, and somewhat over-protective friend of ours that I needed to be nowhere near the city I usually work in. So I worked from home today while my blue warrior slept in the next room over. It started storming, and I just had to laugh because God works in mysterious ways, and Jenny Burris once asked my mom to pray for rain. It's worked in my benefit on many occasions. :)
Hoping that the worst had been avoided, I finally got off work, and he woke up, we talked and had a leisurely night. We went to dinner, we talked with our neighbors, nothing out of the ordinary, just enjoying each other's company.
I was relieved, excited for an evening where we had nothing going on. Nick got dressed for work, mourning band across his badge, and kissed me goodbye. When I sat down, I opened Facebook, and realized with a sinking heart that we had entirely forgotten about a close friend's wedding. My heart broke. I felt sick to my stomach. I called Nick, and could hear how upset he was.
The invite was on our fridge, the date written down on every calendar I own, and still we missed it.
I am overwhelmed. My heart is heavy. My bones are tired. My mind can't get past the fact that we need a catalyst; a mocking jay so to speak.
But first, I need some laughter. I need to release all of these pent up emotions. I need a stupid 80s movie and a good cry.
My husband's job requires an incredible amount of strength from me, but I am coming to realize, it is okay not to be strong all the time.
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28
Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad.
Proverbs 12:25
Take a moment to lay your heart at the feet of Jesus. Allow him to bear the weight of your cares. We are all in this together, and it is not something we need carry alone.
xoxo
LRod 💙
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